You & A Promise
by theartisticallyawkward
Summary: It's never easy admitting your fears. Sanzo is no exception. So Goku has to figure it out for him, and maybe, just maybe alleviate those fears. 39 one shot. rated for language.


**A/N: Hello everyone! It's been a while, hasn't it? I hate to say it, but I've been super busy with school and work. But guess what? SCHOOL"S OUT FOR THE SUMMER. So this is just a quick little one shot to hold you over until I finish the sequel to Everyone Learns From Disaster. I wanna thank you all for reading this, and as always, R&R. Also, I don't own Saiyuki.**

* * *

A pattern. That's what seemed to describe life since the four left on the journey west. There'd be peace for a few days, and then a group, varying in numbers, of youkai would appear and demand the scriptures. Goku sighed as once again, history repeated itself.

This time it was a rather large group of youkai blocking any further advancement on the road. No one seemed particularly happy about the interruption; it was late afternoon and they were expecting to come across a town soon. The thought of not reaching it tonight due to the distraction seemed to piss everyone off. Goku noticed that it was Sanzo that seemed to be the angriest, as he didn't even let the leader of the pack finish his "hand over the scrolls" speech before blowing his skull into bits.

A few growls and curses rippled through the crowd. Goku estimated there to be about 60 or so of the demons. _Might as well get this over with. _He summoned his nyoi-bo and plunged it into the chest of a charging youkai. Typically a fight only lasted a few minutes, but these demons seemed to be much stronger and more organized than most they had faced before. They were even managing to land a few hits on their four targets.

It was irritating Goku to no end; they weren't supposed to be able to touch him. He wasn't supposed to walk away from battles with bruises.

"Die!" A youkai called out before lunging himself at Goku.

"Go to hell." One crack to the skull was all it took to send the demon to an early grave. Goku surveyed the remaining youkai. There were still around 25 left and they seemed to be wising up to their fighting styles. They were managing to duck out of the way of Gojyo's attacks and dodge Hakkai's chi blasts. The only one they couldn't avoid was Sanzo and his bullets. But the demons had also noticed the gun also handicapped the priest, as he was frequently reloading. Goku's eyes widened as the youkai seemed to be formulating a strategy to take him down. Disregarding the demons that were trying to corner him, he bolted to where Sanzo was standing, reaching him just in time to block the swing of a sword that would have otherwise cut Sanzo into two.

"Dammit monkey. Get out of here. Go fight your own battles."

"And let them skewer you? Fat chance."

"I don't need your goddamn protection."

"I don't care what you need." Goku was too occupied with keeping the demons in front of Sanzo busy that he didn't notice the one sneaking up behind him. Sanzo tried to reload his gun in time, but came up a few seconds short. A small growl escaped Goku's lips as a blade ran clean through Goku's back and out the front of his ribs. The slowing of Goku's movements gave one of the youkai in front of him a window of opportunity to lay a powerful blow across the other side of Goku's ribcage. The demon smiled as a loud crack rang through the air. The smile quickly faded as a bullet lodged itself right below his eyelid, but before the youkai succumbed to death, he managed to connect his weapon with Goku's skull, earning him another satisfactory crack.

Completely dazed, Goku didn't even try to stay on his feet. He landed hard face first on the ground.

"Goku!" Hakkai's voice reached his ears, but his vision was too unfocused to see where the healer was. The last thing he managed to make out before losing consciousness was a look he'd never seen darkening Sanzo's features.

* * *

Pain. That was the only thing Goku was aware of when he came to. It felt like someone had set his ribs on fire and at the same time drilled a hole in the side of his face.

"Oh look; you're awake." Opening his eyes, he saw Gojyo was standing in the doorway. Goku imagined his three companions finished the fight and made it to the town. _Dammit._ He cursed inwardly as he realized how much of a burden it must have been hauling his unconscious body around.

"Good to have you back." Hakkai emerged behind Gojyo. The half-demon moved out of the way to let the healer in. "How are you feeling?"

"Just peachy." Goku groaned, bringing a hand up to his face. He could feel the swelling around his left eye and cheekbone.

"As to be expected. You had several ribs broken and a pretty nasty hole in your side."

"Great."

"Not great." Goku started at the harsh tone in Sanzo's voice. He watched the priest enter the room, a cross look on his face. "A moment?" Gojyo and Hakkai took the hint and exited the room.

"Hey," Goku offered a small smile. Sanzo narrowed his eyes.

"You are the stupidest damn monkey in existence. And all you have to say is 'hey'? Idiot." Goku winced.

"I'm sorry, but what the hell is your problem?" Goku was in too much pain to suppress the anger Sanzo's words had conjured.

"You. You are my problem. I fucking told you not to protect me. And here you are, all bedridden and shit because _you don't listen._"

"Well excuse me for not wanting to see you get hurt!" Goku sat up quickly, ignoring the pain that shot across his torso.

"I didn't need your protection! I have never needed your protection. Stop fucking trying to save my life when you don't need to! It's a waste of time and frankly I'm sick of having to look after your stupid ass when you get hurt."

Sanzo's venomous words cut deep and stunned Goku to silence.

"Stop trying to protect me. I don't need it; I don't want it. Next time you try and lay down your life for me, I will put a goddamn bullet in your head." Sanzo gave Goku one last glare before turning and exiting the room, leaving Goku with an ache in his chest and tears in his eyes.

_What just happened? _Goku wiped away the droplets threatening to run down his cheeks. _What the hell just happened? What did I do wrong? I just wanted to make sure he wasn't hurt. I wasn't trying to die for him. _Goku thought back to the face Sanzo had made right before he'd blacked out. He paused. He hadn't recognized it at the time, but he understood why it had been so foreign. It was the look that only occurred when someone was scared out of their mind. He'd seen it plenty of times on the faces of the youkai he killed, and was sure he'd made it a few times too.

Suddenly everything made sense. Sanzo had already experienced one person dying to protect him. Right in front of him. He didn't want it to happen again; he was _terrified _of witnessing something like that again. Goku sighed. _It would've been a lot easier if he'd just told me that._

* * *

As exhausted as his body was, sleep cruelly evaded Goku. He needed to talk to Sanzo, needed to vocalize all the thoughts that were racing through his head. _But I can't just barge in and spring it on him._ Goku rolled over on his side, forgetting his injuries, and immediately regretted it. _Oh fuck this._ He threw the covers off of him and shakily stepped out of bed. Slowly and quietly he padded out to the hallway, trying to figure out which room Sanzo was in. It was late in the night; Sanzo was without a doubt asleep. Or at least Goku hoped. After trying a few doors, he finally found Sanzo's. As he expected, the priest was resting on his bed, his breathing slow. Goku carefully crossed the room, doing his best to be absolutely noiseless. Finally reaching the sleeping priest he lowered himself on the very edge of the bed, making sure not to dip the mattress and risk waking Sanzo. Taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, Goku turned to him.

"I know you're asleep and you're probably not going to hear this." Goku began in a low whisper. "But I need to say this and there's no way I'll have the courage to say this to your face in the morning. Sanzo, I'm pretty sure I understand why you said what you did. I know what happened to your master; I've heard the other monks talk about it. He gave his life for you, didn't he? He protected you, and died in the process. You don't want that to happen again, do you?

"Shit. I hope I'm right about this. Anyway, you need to know that even though you hate it, and even if you want to shoot me in the head, I'm going to protect you. I will always protect you. Do you need it? Probably not. But I can't risk it. I don't know what I would do if…" His voice trailed off as he fought back the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. "If something happened to you and I didn't do what I could to stop it. I swear to you that I won't recklessly give my life; I plan on living as long as I can. But I will not stop protecting you.

"I just can't. I…I love you, Sanzo. You might think I'm too young to understand love, but I do. And I know how I feel about you." Goku tried to slow down, but the words kept pouring out. "Please try to understand that. I will continue to be by your side til the very end. I promise."

Leaning down slowly, Goku pressed his lips against Sanzo's temple. Throwing all caution to the wind, he stretched his body out on the bed, careful not to brush up against him. He stayed like that for as long as he could; just watching the blonde sleep, wondering if he'd heard a word he had said.

* * *

When morning came, Goku begrudgingly opened his eyes and let out a small yawn. After a few seconds his vision adjusted and he realized the position he was in. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but he had, and in his sleep, had pressed his body against Sanzo's. Flinching violently, he distanced himself as far away as he could without falling off the edge of the bed. He looked up at Sanzo's face and felt himself freeze. The blonde was staring back at him, his expression unreadable.

"I…I am so sorry." Goku stammered, eyes still wide and heart drumming in his ears. He closed his eyes, waiting for whatever punishment was to come, not knowing if it would be words or physical pain.

"Goku." Sanzo's voice was quiet and without ire. Goku, cracked one eye open, confused at the lack of anger.

"Yes?"

"Did you mean it?" Goku stayed silent. "Goku, what you said last night, how much of it did you mean?"

"All of it." He croaked out, still in disbelieving Sanzo's reaction. His shock only intensified when he felt Sanzo's hand curl around his own.

"All of it?" Goku nodded. Never in a million years would he have predicted what happened next. He swore his heart stopped when Sanzo closed the distance between them and laid a fierce kiss upon his lips. Lost in a daze, he hadn't noticed he'd stopped breathing until his lungs burned from lack of oxygen, Panting, he broke the kiss, locking eyes with amethyst ones.

"Sanzo?"

"I'm holding you to that promise. And don't you dare die on me. I will never forgive you if you die before me." Goku couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

"I wouldn't dare."

* * *

**Yes, I am aware this is super sappy but everyone could use a little fluff now and then, right?**


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